10 4 / 2013
Intoxicated
drunk on emotion
can’t clear my head
my lungs wont open
to breath you out
inside my mind
you torment my life
always reminding me
of all the things i cant do
27 12 / 2012
L-O-V-E spells Voldemort
L is for the way Severus Loved Lilly,
O is for the owl delivery,
V is very, very Voldemort-ary,
E is the elder wand, that even you can not destroy,
and love, is more than you can understand. Love is bigger than your evil plan. Love made me a horcrux, so no killing curse can hurt us. Love was made for protecting me from you.
08 5 / 2012
Looking For An Easy Way Out
Below is my final free-write for my Creative (non-fiction) Writing class.
“Brain-dead from boredom, I’m led to distraction, scratching the surface of life. Nothing really happens, but it’s easy to keep busy when you tell yourself you’re traveling right.”
-Wouter De Backer, (better known as the Australian musician Gotye)
What I’ve learned this semester is that I may actually enjoy being in school. However, just as I’m deciding I care, I’m learning that the power of the institution has me leashed, and is tugging endlessly at the collar around my neck. The goal is so deeply engrained in us, few question it: graduate as quickly as possible with a degree that’s most likely to help you attain a high-paying job.
I’ve finally understood what value there is for me in education, but now I just stress about being tested and graded. I want to take my time, take classes in sociology and philosophy and sign-language, but I’ve got to pick a major and stay on track. I’ve got to get in and get out, because this shit is expensive and my parent’s can’t keep paying the bills. I want to get out of town, go explore a new city, or new wilderness, but someone’s telling me I’ve got to do things a certain way.
It’s too late now, to turn around and fight it. It’s not that no one knows it, that the system is widely senseless, but we have so little power. My power is limited to the change in my pocket, chipping away at the interest I owe.
As depressing as the reality is, I’ve decided to take advantage of my time here to the fullest extent I’m able. There is value here, and I plan to get more than my $20,000 worth.
07 5 / 2012
The Day is Gray.
Is it grey, or gray? I’ve found that both are accepted. Are you in agreement?
I love blue days and sunny days, but I also love gray days. I’ve always found calm in storm and rain. Something about a looming overcast sky leaves me anxious. Perhaps it’s the threat of what may or may not come. Not knowing whether it will rain and storm, or if the sun will burst through the cloud. For a while I’ve been calling it Dementor weather. I also love the words ominous and eerie. But today is just a gray day, as it’s not menacing enough to be deemed anything else.
06 5 / 2012
Telling it like it is
The following are quotes from my sociology professor over the course of lectures this semester:
1) While commenting on the stress of ‘Mondays’-
“One out of every seven death happen on Monday”
An unfortunately low number of the class seemed to have gotten it, I guess, by the lack of laughter.
2) Encouraging the class to watch a video online-
You can go look it up on, “Youhu”.
No doubt the result of combining YouTube and Hulu.
3) On capitalism and advertising and the influence of media-
“This lecture brought to you by Apple.”
Throughout the semester he would often use this same phrase, replacing ‘Apple’ with any large, well-known corporation.
4) We had been given an extra credit assignment to break a social norm and report the reactions we experienced in doing so. A student reported that he had stolen a girl’s piece of cake in the cafeteria with her friend as witness, to which he received intense glares. After some discussion, Dr. Sullivan responded:
“That means you’re probably going to be a sociopath.”
5) Begging an answer from a very silent lecture hall-
“Think grasshoppers!”
6) While explaining his plan for redistributing wealth, which involves a headquarters for training workers-
“It’s in Wyoming, because there’s nothing else there.”
7) While discussing the “McDonalization of Society” and giving example to being frustrated with change that effects efficiency-
“Ah, dammit, hold the pickles on that one.”
8) On Walmart having ‘people everywhere’-
“If someone sneezes in Bangladesh, it pops up.”
9) I don’t remember the context-
“If you want to take ambien, knock yourself out…literally!”
10) On social movements and the suppose freedom of speech, and example that no matter the content or reason, we have the ‘right’-
“They get to march down the street on Nazi-day, or whatever the hell they have.”
11) On the lower-class-
“You and your kid will spend a lot of quality time together starving to death.”
12) I don’t remember the context, probably because the first thing that popped into my head was not sociologically related-
“…thick and dense with some juicy stuff.”
That’s what she said.
13) Again, I don’t remember the context, but there’s something quite amusing to me about professors cursing-
“…you’re fucked.”
I don’t think I’ve quite appreciated a class so far in my education as intro. to Sociology. Thanks to Dr. Sullivan for keeping it real, and telling it like it is.
26 4 / 2012
Something to Say, Everyday
I’m going to try to say something everyday. Nothing great. Just something.
Today, I’m asking something.
You could argue that someone will always have it worse than yourself. Does that diminish your problems? Does it mean you shouldn’t feel the way you do?
23 4 / 2012
Sam Wise Gamgee, my friend, you are true to your name.
“I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.”
“What are we holding onto, Sam?”
“That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.”
18 4 / 2012
Piece Peace
We’re missing the essential piece,
so that peace isn’t
tangible. Out of grasp, and the rasp in my throat
from screaming. The thread pulls out the seaming and
we’re dreaming of
a future, where the seas
that separate us
aren’t a fuss
and we all get along.
But I’ll be the fool,
and fool the tools of
this game.
This game I can’t escape,
playing for a scrape,
but the crumbs I’m licking off the ground
are keeping me grounded. I’m wounded
and we’re in ruin,
but I can’t help the rage;
In this small concrete cage, with but a small window
that only exposes the overexposure, and
I’m sure that it’s all a lie.
You’re crying and frowning that there’s all this hate, but you raised your arm in triumph and yelled for the state,
enforced by the leader,
but where are we lead,
but to hundreds of thousands of dead?
The need of the creed,
a raging stampede,
and I’m screaming into a pillow,
as though it can save me.
We flee to the east, as if
their problems are ours,
but the hours are
wasted. In case you
didn’t know,
we’re just causing a blow.
It’s said to be defense, a
preemptive attempt,
but we’re holding open the gate
and letting the enemy in. What enemy
can win?
The rules of the game, determine the
play, and the way that we play,
is to come out on top,
not put terror to a stop.
We’re blasted with faces,
from places we know not,
and we’re frightened,
and we believe,
believe what they say,
because that’s how you play,
and what alternative do we have but to
put stock in the word.
Because if we call bull shit,
but we’re wrong and they’re right,
then we spent all our nights,
not trembling with fright.
And when we’re dead,
it’s not from dread,
but the bomb we didn’t see coming,
and it’s okay because we don’t know.
It happened too quick,
the wick has run out.
I die, you die, in death we’re the same. Terrorist, terrorized,
unrealized and
finally, at peace. The final piece.
