Tamar Lame-ar Go-away-mar

Intoxicated

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 13:28:55 -0400

drunk on emotion
can’t clear my head
my lungs wont open
to breath you out
inside my mind
you torment my life
always reminding me
of all the things i cant do

L-O-V-E spells Voldemort

Thu, 27 Dec 2012 21:09:24 -0500

L is for the way Severus Loved Lilly,

O is for the owl delivery,

V is very, very Voldemort-ary,

E is the elder wand, that even you can not destroy,

and love, is more than you can understand. Love is bigger than your evil plan. Love made me a horcrux, so no killing curse can hurt us. Love was made for protecting me from you.

Peripheral Vision is Misleading

Fri, 27 Jul 2012 20:32:48 -0400

You pull your feet up quick as lightning. Your heart rate triples. Terror encompasses every particle of your being and your mouth opens to scream- but nothing comes out. You’ve realized the spider crawling across the floor is merely fluff being blown by a fan. You get up slowly and change your pants.

Looking For An Easy Way Out

Tue, 08 May 2012 15:39:00 -0400

Below is my final free-write for my Creative (non-fiction) Writing class.

“Brain-dead from boredom, I’m led to distraction, scratching the surface of life. Nothing really happens, but it’s easy to keep busy when you tell yourself you’re traveling right.”
-Wouter De Backer, (better known as the Australian musician Gotye)

    What I’ve learned this semester is that I may actually enjoy being in school. However, just as I’m deciding I care, I’m learning that the power of the institution has me leashed, and is tugging endlessly at the collar around my neck. The goal is so deeply engrained in us, few question it: graduate as quickly as possible with a degree that’s most likely to help you attain a high-paying job.
    I’ve finally understood what value there is for me in education, but now I just stress about being tested and graded. I want to take my time, take classes in sociology and philosophy and sign-language, but I’ve got to pick a major and stay on track. I’ve got to get in and get out, because this shit is expensive and my parent’s can’t keep paying the bills. I want to get out of town, go explore a new city, or new wilderness, but someone’s telling me I’ve got to do things a certain way.
    It’s too late now, to turn around and fight it. It’s not that no one knows it, that the system is widely senseless, but we have so little power. My power is limited to the change in my pocket, chipping away at the interest I owe.
    As depressing as the reality is, I’ve decided to take advantage of my time here to the fullest extent I’m able. There is value here, and I plan to get more than my $20,000 worth.

The Day is Gray.

Mon, 07 May 2012 17:42:06 -0400

Is it grey, or gray? I’ve found that both are accepted. Are you in agreement?

I love blue days and sunny days, but I also love gray days. I’ve always found calm in storm and rain. Something about a looming overcast sky leaves me anxious. Perhaps it’s the threat of what may or may not come. Not knowing whether it will rain and storm, or if the sun will burst through the cloud. For a while I’ve been calling it Dementor weather. I also love the words ominous and eerie. But today is just a gray day, as it’s not menacing enough to be deemed anything else.

Telling it like it is

Sun, 06 May 2012 17:18:56 -0400

The following are quotes from my sociology professor over the course of lectures this semester:

1) While commenting on the stress of ‘Mondays’-

“One out of every seven death happen on Monday”

An unfortunately low number of the class seemed to have gotten it, I guess, by the lack of laughter.

2) Encouraging the class to watch a video online-

You can go look it up on, “Youhu”.

No doubt the result of combining YouTube and Hulu.

3) On capitalism and advertising and the influence of media-

“This lecture brought to you by Apple.”

Throughout the semester he would often use this same phrase, replacing ‘Apple’ with any large, well-known corporation.

4) We had been given an extra credit assignment to break a social norm and report the reactions we experienced in doing so. A student reported that he had stolen a girl’s piece of cake in the cafeteria with her friend as witness, to which he received intense glares. After some discussion, Dr. Sullivan responded:

“That means you’re probably going to be a sociopath.”

5) Begging an answer from a very silent lecture hall-

“Think grasshoppers!”

6) While explaining his plan for redistributing wealth, which involves a headquarters for training workers-

“It’s in Wyoming, because there’s nothing else there.”

7) While discussing the “McDonalization of Society” and giving example to being frustrated with change that effects efficiency-

“Ah, dammit, hold the pickles on that one.”

8) On Walmart having ‘people everywhere’-

“If someone sneezes in Bangladesh, it pops up.”

9) I don’t remember the context-

“If you want to take ambien, knock yourself out…literally!”

10) On social movements and the suppose freedom of speech, and example that no matter the content or reason, we have the ‘right’-

“They get to march down the street on Nazi-day, or whatever the hell they have.”

11) On the lower-class-

“You and your kid will spend a lot of quality time together starving to death.”

12) I don’t remember the context, probably because the first thing that popped into my head was not sociologically related-

“…thick and dense with some juicy stuff.”

That’s what she said.

13) Again, I don’t remember the context, but there’s something quite amusing to me about professors cursing-

“…you’re fucked.”

I don’t think I’ve quite appreciated a class so far in my education as intro. to Sociology. Thanks to Dr. Sullivan for keeping it real, and telling it like it is.

Something to Say, Everyday

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 12:12:44 -0400

I’m going to try to say something everyday. Nothing great. Just something.

Today, I’m asking something.

You could argue that someone will always have it worse than yourself. Does that diminish your problems? Does it mean you shouldn’t feel the way you do?

Thanks to you day, for being beautiful.

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:08:34 -0400

Thanks to you day, for being beautiful.

Sam Wise Gamgee, my friend, you are true to your name.

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 19:35:31 -0400

“I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.”

“What are we holding onto, Sam?”

“That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.”

Piece Peace

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 12:48:08 -0400

We’re missing the essential piece,
so that peace isn’t
tangible. Out of grasp, and the rasp in my throat
from screaming. The thread pulls out the seaming and
we’re dreaming of
a future, where the seas
that separate us
aren’t a fuss
and we all get along.
But I’ll be the fool,
and fool the tools of
this game.
This game I can’t escape,
playing for a scrape,
but the crumbs I’m licking off the ground
are keeping me grounded. I’m wounded
and we’re in ruin,
but I can’t help the rage;
In this small concrete cage, with but a small window
that only exposes the overexposure, and
I’m sure that it’s all a lie.
You’re crying and frowning that there’s all this hate, but you raised your arm in triumph and yelled for the state,
enforced by the leader,
but where are we lead,
but to hundreds of thousands of dead?
The need of the creed,
a raging stampede,
and I’m screaming into a pillow,
as though it can save me.

We flee to the east, as if
their problems are ours,
but the hours are
wasted. In case you
didn’t know,
we’re just causing a blow.
It’s said to be defense, a
preemptive attempt,
but we’re holding open the gate
and letting the enemy in. What enemy
can win?
The rules of the game, determine the
play, and the way that we play,
is to come out on top,
not put terror to a stop.

We’re blasted with faces,
from places we know not,
and we’re frightened,
and we believe,
believe what they say,
because that’s how you play,
and what alternative do we have but to
put stock in the word.
Because if we call bull shit,
but we’re wrong and they’re right,
then we spent all our nights,
not trembling with fright.
And when we’re dead,
it’s not from dread,
but the bomb we didn’t see coming,
and it’s okay because we don’t know.
It happened too quick,
the wick has run out.
I die, you die, in death we’re the same. Terrorist, terrorized,
unrealized and
finally, at peace. The final piece.

A vanity share. From two sessions with Ariele Jones. Yay,...

Thu, 08 Mar 2012 16:01:56 -0500

A vanity share. From two sessions with Ariele Jones. Yay, she’s great!

hitrecordjoe: Points worth considering re: the Kony...

Thu, 08 Mar 2012 15:49:36 -0500

hitrecordjoe:

Points worth considering re: the Kony debate…

rtnt:

RTNT On The Problems With KONY 2012

The deluge of social media attention that has been given to the simplistic KONY 2012 campaign and the surrounding haze of misinformation has reaffirmed our purpose at Read This, Not That. Joseph Kony is a warlord and a monster - this much cannot be denied. The present controversy swirls not around Kony himself, but rather around the substance of the campaign, and the intentions of the organization behind it: Invisible Children.

Conversations are raging across the web between supporters and detractors - conversations that suffer, in many instances, from a lack of understanding about the current state of Uganda and of Kony’s Lord’s Resistance Army (details of which are notably lacking from the film.)

There has been much resistance to criticism of the campaign, resistance founded in knee-jerk reactions meant to defend the perceived good intentions of Invisible Children. The appearance of a noble cause to mask questionable action is not anomalous in our world. As such, it is our responsibility to be skeptical, especially when engaged with propagandistic media that aims to affect us emotionally and prompt a very specific reaction: in this case, to give money to Invisible Children.

Our effort here is to offer articles that inform the debate surrounding KONY 2012 and to encourage everyone to embrace critical conversation, even when that gaze is directed at what appear to be good intentions. Things are rarely as simple as they are made out to be, and we can be sure that the state of Uganda and the LRA is not as simple as the KONY 2012 campaign makes it seem.

Michael Wilkerson, writing for Foreign Policy, asks what the video is meant to accomplish:

So the goal is to make sure that President Obama doesn’t withdraw the advisors he deployed until Kony is captured or killed. That seems noble enough, except that there has been no mention by the government of withdrawing those forces — at least any I can find. Does anyone else have any evidence about this urgent threat of cancellation? One that justifies such a massive production campaign and surely lucrative donation drive?

TMS Ruge, writing for Project Diaspora, pleads with us to respect the agency of Ugandans:

This IC campaign is a perfect example of how fund-sucking NGO’s survive…They are, in actuality, selling themselves as the issue, as the subject, as the panacea for everything that ails me as the agency-devoid African. All I have to do is show up in my broken English, look pathetic and wanting. You, my dear social media savvy click-activist, will shed a tear, exhaust Facebook’s like button, mobilize your cadre of equally ill-uninformed netizens to throw money at the problem.

Ugandan Journalist Angelo Izama, writing at This Is Africa, finds KONY 2012’s portrayal of Uganda outdated:

To call the campaign a misrepresentation is an understatement. While it draws attention to the fact that Kony, indicted for war crimes by the International Criminal Court in 2005, is still on the loose, it’s portrayal of his alleged crimes in Northern Uganda are from a bygone era.

Musa Okwanga, writing for The Independent, discusses the complexities the video left out:

What the narrator also failed to do was mention to his son that when a bad guy like Kony is running riot for years on end, raping and slashing and seizing and shooting, then there is most likely another host of bad guys out there letting him get on with it. He probably should have told him that, too.

Guy Gunartne, writing for Codoc, questions the wisdom of Invisible Children’s preferred policy of military intervention:

The LRA is reported to be 90% made up of abducted children – military defeat would mean engaging in combat and targeting of the very victims of this war; these children are the LRA.

The author of Visible Children examines the armies on the other side of the war:

Both the Ugandan army and Sudan People’s Liberation Army are riddled with accusations of rape and looting, but Invisible Children defends them, arguing that the Ugandan army is “better equipped than that of any of the other affected countries”, although Kony is no longer active in Uganda and hasn’t been since 2006 by their own admission.

Glenna Gordon, who took the photograph above, takes issue with the filmmakers’ self-aggrandizement in this interview for The Washington Post:

People who have lived there for years, bona fide aid workers who have studied foreign policy and other relevant fields like public health, who are really there because they are trying to solve problems — they see Invisible Children as trying to promote themselves and a version of the narrative.

Eric Ritskes, writing at Wanderings, reminds us that it is not about us:

It falls into the trap, the belief that the problem is ignorance and the answer is education. When we tell more people about Kony and the LRA, something WILL happen. It’s not true…More education does not change the systems and structures of oppression, those that need Africa to be the place of suffering and war and saving…We need to learn: It’s not about us.

Patrick Wegner, writing at Justice in Conflict, offers some final thoughts:

To conclude, the Kony 2012 campaign is a reminder why we should see advocacy campaigns to interfere in conflicts with some scepticism, no matter how good the cause…. It also challenges us to think of ways how to design advocacy campaigns that mobilise many people without dumbing down the problem and its purported solution.

We put in a lot of work reading, reviewing, compiling, and excerpting these pieces for you, and hope you will consider them in this debate.

- The RTNT Team

Follow Read This, Not That on Tumblr / Facebook / Twitter

A self-portrait study in blinded sunlight.

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 18:31:37 -0500

A self-portrait study in blinded sunlight.

Somtimes I Feel Really Smart

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 09:49:34 -0500

Sometimes, like this time of now, I feel really smart. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of sitting in a classroom with but one other student and no professor only three minutes before class; waiting patiently and nervously for the next seven minutes for a human appearance.

I had no such luck of relief from my self-aware embarrassment. And the other guy must’ve felt just as stupid as myself, so I don’t even care about what he thought.

I then go online to the class’s page, to find that indeed,

There is no lab today, Tuesday, 17 January, 2012. Class will begin tomorrow, Wednesday, 18 January , 2012.

But come on, couldn’t there have also been a sign on the door? There are other signs on other classroom doors noting the cancellation of class.

Buh.

So here’s to this small rant to extinguish what little stupidity I can manage.

‘Tis the first day at University, mistakes were bound to be made.

How do you know when to call it Quits and when to Forge Ahead?

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 13:42:28 -0500

How do you know when to call it quits and when to forge ahead?

What do you wish you’d given up sooner?

What would you try if you knew you couldn’t fail?

I don’t have a method for when to quit and when to strive. I’m a generally unmotivated person, so I almost always just quit.

What do you wish you’d given up sooner?

I wish I…Well, I don’t think I’ve ever striven through anything that I ultimately failed and wished I’d had given up. Like I said, unmotivated being.

What would you try if you knew you couldn’t fail?

Well, I’ll be, I’d do many a tries. I mean, what WOULDN’T I do if there was no risk?!

But to name a few, I would…

*Fly

*Perform on stage singing with my ukulele

*Quit my job (and school) to finish my novels and get them published

*Swim across an ocean

*Move to a foreign country/learn several languages (including sign)

*Perfect a martial art/be supermegafoxyawesomehot

Now, here’s the real list of things I wish I HADN’T quit.

*Piano/Viola/Percussion

*Ballet/Gymnastics

*Random semesters off school (setting me back two years)

*Caring about religion

What's the Biggest Mistake you've ever made?

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 13:19:56 -0500

What’s the biggest mistake you’ve ever made?

I almost skipped this question because there’s nothing that immediately comes to mind. But then I thought, maybe ‘biggest’ doesn’t have to be that big…

What mistake do you keep repeating?

What mistakes are unforgivable?

What mistake are you glad you made?

What mistake do you keep repeating?

Trivial it may seem, but I sometimes wish I wasn’t so sarcastic and quick to anger and judgement. I often tell myself to be better with each day, to be kinder, more understanding, and gentler of spirit. But it never lasts. I keep acting in those ways.

*I also keep spending money I don’t have. Damn that credit card.

What mistakes are unforgivable?

In general, I would wish to say that everything is forgivable, because that’s the only way any person has hope. But I Imagine that through life, I will encounter actions and words that I can not forgive. As with experience in my brothers’ lives, I would say that infidelity is unforgivable. And I wish I could get away with saying that breaking someone’s heart is unforgivable.

Murder, is unforgivable, but then again, it all lies within circumstance. I hate making definite statements.

Whatever creator is responsible for my life, has allowed it such even when I screw up every day. How do I repay that then, by holding my fellow man accountable for being human, like myself?

What mistakes are you glad you made?

However small they may be, I suppose I’m glad for anything I’ve done to upset someone I care about. Not that they were upset, but that the conflict that followed allowed me to learn about my behavior and improve upon it.

It’s certainly not life altering, at least not to any extreme. Though I wouldn’t deem it my biggest mistake, I regret that I didn’t go through university in the immediate years preceding high school. From where I’m sitting, I’ve got two-ish years left of higher education, when I could be done now.

What's one thing you learned that Blew Your Mind?

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 13:33:22 -0500

First off, I haven’t blogged in a million, billion years. Secondly, I tend to exaggerate. But really, It’s been a while and I miss writing about myself. More so, I miss asking myself probing questions and thinking about life. So, I’m back to SoulPancake. Here goes.

What’s one thing you learned that blew your mind?

-What would you like to unlearn?

-What do you wish you knew more about?

-What’s one thing you had to learn the hard way?

I’m not so sure I learned this exactly, as much as came to a realization. But what blew my mind was coming to the realization (and deciding I was okay with it) that I (nor anyone) can’t know anything to be true.

It was during my spring semester in 2011 that I was taking a philosophy class. I was surprised and humbled to find the power it had over everything I thought I believed and everything I thought to be true. It really did open my eyes and mind to the reality of being. And conclusively, I realized that I, nor any person in existence, can ever really know anything to be true. I guess that was the unintentional undoing of my faith. And in that, I answer the next question.

What would you like to unlearn?

This is probably one circumstance that I wish I had remained ignorant. I wish the epiphany had not buried itself so deep in me, that it shook me of my faith. Over the past year I decided that I still want to believe and live a Christian life, but deciding it wasn’t good enough. For as much as I desire to believe it, deeply and passionately believe it, it’s just not there. And I don’t know how to get it back.

Now, What do you wish you knew more about?

To go a completely different direction than the answers to the previous questions, I wish I knew more about politics (and the economy). I know next to nothing because it never really interested me. I wouldn’t say that is particularly interests me now, but that as I’m ‘growing up’, I feel I should know. At least have more of a general knowledge than I do now. I’ve always been content to let the political and economical world revolve around me, because “I’m never going to vote or take any part in that stuff”, but it keeps creeping up. I keep aging and getting more responsibility, and dang-it, it’s going to be a while before I get out of this country, so I better have some idea what’s going on in it. But, realistically, as I’ve come to look at things, I am very unmotivated and apathetic (even when I know better), so I’m thinking politics and the economy are going to remain the answer to the question, What do you wish you knew more about?

What’s one thing you had to learn the hard way?

I’ve learned hard truths to be sure, but I can’t say they came about, ‘the hard way’. I’ve lead a relatively uneventful life. I’m not complaining, but everything has come about rather easily and un-dramatically. What ever hard truths I’ve learned have come about slowly in lecture or conversation or small situation; all a slow emergence from naivety. Not to take lightly those who encounter tragedy in their lives, and not to take for granted the blessed life I’ve lead thus far, but I sometimes wish I had learned something the hard way- experienced something really life-changing so that I may grow.

I wish I learned more. I always think I hate school and the stress it brings, but I don’t think I gave it much of a chance until recently. I never really let myself learn and be amazed by the inflow of knowledge. I really have had great opportunity and I have often taken it for granted.

I miss my feelings.

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 18:02:51 -0400

As of late, I haven’t really felt much. Not in the depressing way, where I’m void of emotion, borderline sad all the time. But in the, just-not-passionate way. And I wonder why I don’t feel passion for anything like I used to.

I would go up and down, either feeling depressed or rejuvenated (had to type that three times before I spelled it correctly), and ready to take on life with positivity. I’m now just sleeping, drinking coffee, and working. Repeat.

School is starting in just a week and a half, and I’m thinking that’ll (What? that, apostrophe, ll, isn’t a legitimate contraction?)

Stupid grammar. THAT’LL. Yes. I’m thinking that’ll change things. Hopefully I’ll be so busy and creatively productive, I’ll remember why I chose a major in art. Or, as I’m fearing (from far too much experience), I’ll hate being in school again even more than I hate being bored and not passionate.

Even as I’m writing this I’m arguing with myself over being positive and being pessimistic. It really is much easier to think everything is terrible. If I feel sorry for myself, there’s much less responsibility. Or so it would appear.

Nah, I’ll be positive. Yes. Happy-happy, joy-joy. I’ll be creative and find a way to love life. I’ll still probably hate all the horribly rude people I interact with on a daily-basis, (thank YOU Starbucks), but I’ll remind myself that work is not life. And I have much better things to live for.

Why should I live any moment being unhappy? Especially when I control most, if not all, of my happiness.

I think I’m going to go buy some paint. Yeah…pretty colors.

Afternoon at the beach (Taken with Instagram at Indian Rocks...

Sun, 03 Jul 2011 12:33:50 -0400

Afternoon at the beach (Taken with Instagram at Indian Rocks Beach Welcome Center)

I'm cool.

Mon, 30 May 2011 21:36:02 -0400

When asked about my friendship with one Elisha Kaiser:

“She’s my best friend.

And my only friend.

So she’s also my worst friend.”

(and Elisha herself adds) “And your medium friend.”